Friday, March 20, 2009

On open letter, re: Alex Ovechkin, Evgeni Malkin, and Sidney Crosby

Dear NHL, PHWA, the sports media, et cetera,

Kindly shove something up your asses and start giving a shit about hockey, the actual fucking sport, you unreasonable motherfuckers. Put another way: stop being racists. Here's the deal:

If two players on the same team are very high scorers, and one of them is scoring higher than the other, the media story probably shouldn't be about when the guy in second is finally going to catch the guy in first.

If when one star player is out for a while, and another steps up and leads the team to countless victories in his stead, the media story probably shouldn't be about how interesting it was from the guy that sat out's perspective.

Scoring 50 goals in a season is an accomplishment. If someone does that, the lead story the next day should probably be about the accomplishment, not about how Don Cherry (fabulous dresser and insane person) and friends don't like it.

If one guy celebrates vigorously any time anyone on his team scores, and another guy looks down on those celebrations and barely notices when anyone other than himself scores, it's not the first guy that's classless.

Giving a public interview saying that you don't like the excitement of another star player (which you were fine with when you were the only star anyone ever talked about) is classless.

Having your teammates tell you about a little celebration to do when you hit a milestone, hitting that milestone, and spending 5 or so seconds performing that celebration isn't classless. It's having fun, with your team.

Skating around behind a guy who is already fighting someone else on your team in order to lean over and punch him in the balls a few times is classless.

Enjoying, and therefore celebrating, hockey, as a team sport, will never be classless. Using your whole body and standing up for yourself and your team will never be classless.

Whining at referees and diving to draw penalties will always be classless. Expecting special treatment and thinking you're the single most important person in the game, and by extension on your own team, will always be classless.

Oh, and one more thing that's always classless: Picking the North American over the European, just because of his nationality, to be the "face of the NHL," whether their names are Yzerman and Federov, Thornton and Jagr, or Crosby and Ovechkin.

A whole boatload of people who wanted to be excited about Ovechkin's 50th goal, because it's generally exciting hockey, without the stories being full of more of this bullshit
courtesy of: