Okay, that's already not fair of me. I don't really mean Penguin fans. The group I'm talking to is actually the totally overblown Ovechkin-haters out there. This group actually encompasses only about 85-90% of Penguin fans (based on very in-depth statistical sampling I've done, by thinking for 4 seconds about some people I know), and also a bunch of Canadian racists. In fact, the person who brought this to my attention happens to be a Penguin fan who also knows that Alex Ovechkin is pretty much exemplary of everything we, as fans, want hockey to be. So, sensible 10-15% of Penguin fans, I'm not really talking to you, and I'm sorry for calling you out like that.
Now, here's my point. The latest ridiculous bullshit people have decided to get angry at the best player in hockey for is this snow-shower thing. To hear you ridiculous people tell it, Ovechkin basically beat up on a child just because he was rooting for the other team. He skated over to a kid who was waving the Canadiens' flag, after the anthem, and gave him a snow shower, which some of you are actually now calling his "signature move".
Let's go to the video-tape.
Really, people? Here's what it looks like to me: it looks like Alex Ovechkin remembers that hockey is fun, and none of you fuckers do. This isn't a vicious dick move directed at a 10-year-old, you paranoid dinks. He's playfully spraying snow on a kid on his way to the bench. That's fucking awesome. That's having the presence of mind, despite being a visitor in Montréal for a playoff game, to go up to a little kid and go "hey, boo to your team, I work for the other team." That's fucking cute, you morons. It's not an attack. Seriously, what is wrong with you?
It's the same mentality we saw from you people about his goal celebrations. How dare he enjoy his 50th goal? He should show some more class than that. Real Canadian Gentleman don't celebrate goals like that. What is he, a pro wrestling footballman?
To you people, I say: go fuck yourselves. You know what makes hockey more like pro wrestling? This ridiculous march towards Heroes and Villains. This idea that the Pens are a "model franchise," and this pattern of suspending "villains" for no good reason and not suspending "heroes" even when they try to break people's heads in career-ending ways. When the NHL decides who is "good" and who is "bad," and then all the news stories and all the on-ice calls start to go in that direction, that's what makes the NHL into WWE.
What you people seem to keep missing is that despite all of your bullshit, what Alex Ovechkin is doing is enjoying hockey. Because hockey is fucking fun, and it's pretty bad-ass, too. When I was a kid, I sometimes went to Devils games with Devils fans. We didn't fucking brawl in the stands, but do you think we sat there and didn't interact with each other? Of course not! We gave each other shit! Because it's fun, and that's what you fucking do! It's good for hockey to build rivalries between teams, and it's fun to root for different teams than other people. That's why there are different teams!
Ovechkin goes up to a little kid who roots for the other team, and he sprays a little snow on him. That's playful and it's good for hockey. That kid now goes to school and is like "Alex Ovechkin sprayed snow on me! Boo! Go Habs!" And it's good for hockey. Get off your fucking high horses and, if you're not going to remember to keep some fun in hockey (before Bettman and his Model Franchise finish actually making it into WWE), then at least stop crying "douchebag" when the best player in hockey remembers to.
This is stupid. Go worry about something else, 85% of Penguin fans and also Canadian racists. Go, like, ride a bike down the Eliza Furnace Trail. It's beautiful out. Also, a lot of good hockey has been going on lately. Did you see Satan's double OT goal last night? Beautiful fucking stuff.
Let's Go Hockey,
Aaron
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