All the wrong reasons

So, besides the important one, it was also announced today that some other Atlantic Division captain was skating with his team and could be playing soon. You may have heard about it. In honor of yet another rumor block about the most dominant player of the last two years returning to the ice, I bring you this thing, from professional sportswriter Rob Rossi. Rossi presents 10 reasons (because no one reads articles, but everyone reads lists) that the Penguins can win the Stanley Cup this season. He's right, of course. They can. He's just wrong about why.

So, if you'll forgive my poor attempt at a once-great artform, it's Fire Joe Morgan o'Clock.

10 reasons why Penguins can win Stanley Cup
Reasons 1 through 10 should be "they will likely make the playoffs, and any team can beat any other on any given night, and the Penguins are a pretty good hockey team," but let's dive in anyway.