NHL Rulebook

53.1 Throwing Equipment A player shall not throw a stick or any other
object in any zone. A player who has lost or broken his stick may only
receive a stick at his own players' bench or be handed one from a
teammate on the ice (see 10.3).

10.3 Broken Stick - Player
...
A player who has lost or broken his stick may only receive a stick
at his own players' bench or be handed one from a teammate on the
ice. A player will be penalized if he throws, tosses, slides or shoots a
stick to a teammate on the ice. A player may not participate in the
play using a goalkeeper's stick. A minor penalty shall be imposed for
an infraction of this rule.
...

Insult to Injury!

OK, now I'm really pissed off about that loss to the Blackhawks last week. Because Biron let in those 4 goals so quickly, apparently he is superstitiously doing away with those totally sweet old-school brown pads and blocker. That sucks! Those looked great! That is all.

OK, Fine, Let's Talk about Rick Nash

I was gonna do a post about how everyone needs to stop saying Brad Richards needs to "find another gear" or whatever they say, and how just like Marian Gaborik last season, he's learning a new system, and he's actually really, really valuable to this team right now, et cetera. But no one is shutting up about Rick Nash! So let's talk about Rick Nash instead.

As I may have mentioned in this space before, Rick Nash is one of my hockey crushes (others include Dustin Byfuglien and Brooks Orpik). These are the kinds of guys I covet: not necessarily superstars in their own right, but solid guys I'd love to see in Ranger colors. At the same time, right now, I'm finding it easy to side with the Garden Faithful, who erupted with "We don't want you!" when Nash knotted the contest late in the 3rd the other night (related: I fucking love Ranger fans).

But why? Why are Ranger fans, possibly including myself, so opposed to bringing in a hard-working, world-class talent like Nash? A few reasons. Some are dumb. Let's talk about it. At length.

And this morning, I am still angry

Last night, I was very angry, and when I woke up this morning, I discovered that I was still angry, and that is because I hate the Devils very much. I guess some of you may have heard about this? The Rangers were down 1-0 until Anisimov scored a game-tying goal with 5 seconds left, except the goal was immediately waved off by official Dan O'Rourke due to Interference on the Goalkeeper. This was a terrible call, and I am angry about it, because it led directly to another loss to the Devils, and as I mentioned, I hate the Devils very much.

Let's take a look at the play.



Now, let's read the rules together.

What is this, a picture blog now?

I mean, probably not? But here's a two-sentence-and-one-picture entry nonetheless.

DING DONG

You guys, guess who I won't miss. Go on, guess.

Give up? I'll tell you.

THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS

SCHMUUUUUUUUUUUCK

I will not miss him at all, because he is terrible!

The NHL Shop is on point

H/T to @Lesliehockeyy, who went to the NHL Shop online to purchase a Dan Girardi All-Star jersey, and found a whole new way his underrated-ness comes through. So I went to check it out for myself (click for full screenshot):



Fantastic work, guys!

Boston Tea Partier

This is awesome, you guys! This is seriously awesome. You see, I was concerned about having to root against the Bruins, hanging out here at the top of the East, because I kinda like the Bruins. But now, it turns out star goalie Tim Thomas, previously known to us only as a yogi, is also a total dickwad, you guys! This is great news! It's hard to root against a dude who doesn't get his break as the starter until age 32, then puts on a show against an Olympic Gold Medal-winner to win the Cup at 37. But it's easy to root against a total dickwad!

In case you haven't heard, President Obama invited the Bruins to the White House, to congratulate them for winning the Stanley Cup. (To summarize: not only are they so good at a game that they get to play it for a living, they are so good at it that the fucking President invites them over to hang out, just because they're so good at it.) Tim Thomas, apparently one to thoroughly examine the mouths of even those horses he is given as gifts, chose not to go. Let me take you through my thought process, as it slowly, over the last 24 hours or so, went through all the levels on which that's shitty.

In which a friend and I discuss some hockey teams

Him: Man, we were right about the Bruins. We were right about the Wild. We're about to be right about Florida.
Me: It's so easy to be right!
Him: Yeah.
Me: Here's who else we're right about: Ottawa. Ottawa is bullshit.
Him: Yeah. Who is more bullshit: Ottawa or NJ? Ottawa is +2. NJ is -3, and they're 8-1 in shootouts.
Me: Ooh, that's a good question.

"Scoring Woes"

Hey, look, people are talking about the Rangers' scoring woes today. Most of them say things like "Marian Gaborik needs to start scoring again"; "The power play is horrible"; and "It's all Olivia Munn's fault." Of course, all three of these things are true. But here's my take.